As in...Bring It On!!!.....I got a call today from the clinic that is doing the shot in my spine on the 2nd. They said that my insurance was canceled and that they would need payment the day of.... only $2900 or so. Okay, so after I awoke from my fainting spell and got up off the floor I then began to panic wondering why my insurance would be canceled when I had promptly turned in my Cobra paperwork and verified it had been submitted. She tells me that due to my termination the regular payroll deduct did not arrive therefore HPN (Health Plan of Nevada) canceled me and until that payment was received and entered onto the system I would not be able to have the shot. If I can get the payment to my former employer, lovely bunch that they are, and they can get it mailed and to HPN prior to the 1st of June I can have the shot. I have waited two months almost for this shot. I lost my job because it has taken so long to get this shot. I will have this shot if I have to throw a tantrum to get it! It is going to revive what use to be a life and if it is unavailable or doesn't work like it's supposed to......I have no clue what I will do to live through the pain. I'm not a quitter so there are no options. I just keep thinking about how old all of my family has been when they've passed......late 80's & 90's........OMG, I am only 50. Not often you can say "only" with 50 in reference to age huh? Well this is one of em. That would mean another 30-40 years of this and I have barely endured the last year with it. Sometimes I wonder about my luck.
I have been a statistic all my life......at age 10 or 11, whatever, the surgery that caused the intestinal adhesions that took me to the edge of death.........I lived. A dropout from school, a teen pregnancy and marriage at 15, a divorce at 21, a marriage, a divorce, a marriage, a divorce, physical abuse, single mother, homeless and living in a car with two kids, prison inmate marriage within the walls of the penitentiary, co-habitating rather than marrying again, college return student that graduated and was accepted to law school, a law school dropout, a business owner, a failed business owner......are you seeing a pattern here? I am. I don't really want to be counted again for being the oldest woman on the planet. My damn luck I'll live with this pain to age 130. I can barely make it to tomorrow. I'm going to go to bed and deal with all this tomorrow. What did I do to deserve so much???? (boohoo, I know) I will "buck up" tomorrow.
Mom, you've got to realize that all of those things have never made you a statistic. You are who you are in spite of all that. If you had let all of the set backs get to you we'd all be living in a trailer park watching Nascar and spittin' tobacco through our toothless gums. I remember being "homeless" as a kid and while it's technically true, you never let it stop us. This is what I remember:
ReplyDelete1) We always had someplace to go, even if you had to send us to Gramma or Grandpa.
2) There was always a goal, we always planned what our next move was as a family and how we were going to make it better.
3) We never felt worthless or "less than" because of our situations, you always told, and showed, Mat and I the advantageous side of whatever was going on.
You can sit back and look on all those things and see "statistics" but I see survival and success beyond comprehension. I shouldn't be where I am today when you look at my background. I am not the most successful man in the world but I've made a damn good life for myself and my family because of the way you taught me to interpret my life. And I will always love you and be grateful for what you've taught and given me. My life and lifestyle wouldn't be possible without you.
Love you,
Phillip
Well, maybe not so much in others minds but having taken statistics in college I learned that if it is something someone can document stats on, they do. I don't think there is anything wrong with statistics just that it seems to be a pattern in my life that all of my paths have been the tougher ones for some reason. Maybe because I was young and really didn't know what path to take and the safer always were the harder ones. I don't know? I love you! Mom
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