I am beginning to do what I had originally started this blog to do.....get my journal down in print so that I can finally pack away this suitcase of notebooks and tablets and scraps of paper that I have written on for almost 35 years.  I will begin at the beginning.........I want to remind any readers that this is coming from a 15 year old girl who does not hesitate to put down her thoughts as she thinks them. 

                                I never would have imagined how I see this today..........

Part 1, Oct 19, 1974

Started Oct 19, 1974; Well today is Saturday and you were supposed to be born Weds.  Where are you??!  Right now your dad is playing with the dogs at the park.  We just left that park and came up to Aldridge Park.  We'll probably bring you up here alot after winter is gone.  I wonder what you're going to be.  A boy or a girl?  Today is a nice day.  The wind is blowing but not hard. It's real warm out.  Cindy M, Shari O. and I were talking the other night about how when you grow up you'll think of me what I use to think of my parents.  Just think when you are 15 I'll be 31.  Right now that seems so far away.  But I know it is going to be shorter than I think.  I keep thinking about how I went through my life with dope and smoking and parties.  But to think that you too will probably do that, I can't help thinking about how I'm gonna handle it.  My parents would throw a fit.  In fact, they did.  But me being in their position.  Wow! You know this might sound strange but I want to write down everything I feel now so that you'll know that I'm not trying to be a parent.
Shari told me that when "Fuzz" was born she thought "Wow, this is gonna be the best time.  We'll party together and get high together and everything." But now she says it's all changed.  You can't help but become a parent.  Not just in the sense of having a child  but wanting the best for them.  I know I would'n't give up my memories of all the wrong I have done because at the time they were funner than hell.  Now that I've quit school and married Dan and are waiting for you I feel old. Like I didn't get my share of life.  It all changed when I met your dad.  We had a lot of fun through the first summer and winter and then I got pregnant.  Wow!  That was the best thing that ever happened to me.  And yet to some people, (like my parents)it was the biggest mistake I'd ever make.  But now I know and they know it wasn't a mistake.