How often can this happen?

Some days just feel as if they never quite finish....that is what yesterday was like. I felt as if I got no sleep, was never in my jammies, never relaxed. So then of course today is twice the effort and energy that it deserves. That might be an "unjust" word to use...deserves...but sometimes that is the way it feels. And over the years I have learned that what you feel is a direct result of what you experience and no matter how hard you try.....it doesn't change. You may be able to disguise it but....it really hasn't changed. The outer appearance might be something other but inside it is what it is....and inside it stays until it goes......if it ever goes. I wish this one would either go or just stop nagging at me. The pain, physical pain that I feel is on a level I never thought possible. Why did this happen to me? I dig through the memories to try and find what horrible thing I have done to create such Karma if that is what this is and cannot find anything that equals this. Even multiplied I cannot think of what I've done. I've never had such a hard time holding back the tears as now. Then I feel as if I'm having my own little pity party just for me but when that happens I can even see in my cats eyes the confusion and questions of what is wrong with this person who loves, pets and feeds us? They almost seem to ask what they can do to make me feel better. Seems sad that it has come to this. Looking to my old, cranky cats for comfort.......who'd have thought?